"And now you're alone" he said.
Wow. That hit me like a ton of bananas.
May 14th. Another day that has been on my radar for a long time. The day I moved into my new place. I have known for over a year that I would be doing this but I didn't have a date. Then I closed on my condo March 13th and gave the current owners 2 months to rent back. I did my best to stay patient. Finally those 2 months ended yesterday. I now have the place to myself.
Jake, (my nephew), and Greg, (the guy I have been living with for 3 months) helped move my stuff. We almost filled up 3 cars. Piled it all up in the living room. I had my bed delivered. Said good bye to Jake. Gave Greg a hug. And thats when the bananas hit. He said, "and now you're alone".
Leave it to a guy I have know for 13 some years to speak the truth to me. There is no dancing around this one. The thing is, I have never lived by myself. Parents to college dorm to roomates to girlfriend to wife to Greg's basement. There has always been someone. Now its just me (with my kids part time of course). No music. No TV. No internet. Just me and barely enough stuff to fill a bedroom. I just got done crying some major tears. Not because I am sad, upset or angry. It's because I am just so damned relieved. I finally have a place to call home.
As I walk around and hear the echo of my footsteps, I can't help but ask myself, "Will I be lonely?" Over the past couple years I have not spent more than a couple days by myself and whenever that happened, if felt more like respite. Now there will be days and days of being by myself. How will I fill the time? Can I be alone and not feel lonely? Only time will tell. All I know right now is that I am breathing in huge gulps of relief. And I am looking forward to tomorrow.
