Wednesday, April 4, 2018

A piece of paper



"Life is most definitely what you make it."

A few weeks ago I found myself holding a number, (P 522).  It was on a piece of paper that I had just pulled out of the machine at the DMV. I was there to register the new (for me) Prius that I had purchased a couple of months ago. The one that was replacing the Rav4 that was stolen from me last December.

"So if something is bothering you, face it, there's something you want you chase it, bottom line you gotta (sic) get out there and make things happen for yourself & ask for support when you need it."

That Rav4 I had purchased last spring from my sister because the family van I had been driving up to that point had been pummeled by hail and had been totaled, ( I salvaged it actually, so that my 16 yo could drive it. We call it the "Van Hailin").

"Live a life you love by participating in things that help you thrive as you grow. Do things that represent the type of person you hope others see you as, & mostly just be proud of who you are & what you accomplish b/c its what you want".

I didn't want to stand there for an hour so I went for a walk. For over a year I have been thinking about finding  new job. Not because I dislike my job or didn't enjoy it. Money isn't really an issue, (though more is always good). Working for a non-profit is good work, and I'm proud of being able to have positive influences on people's lives. Being there for over 20 years, however has made me feel very comfortable to the point of being stuck.  I have felt like I can just rest on my reputation and not do anything more than what is expected of me. Like a piece of paper with a number on it. I needed some excitement, to get jazzed about something, bigger, better. In my thinking, getting a new job was the answer.

"I feel like too often, people set these extravagent (sic) goals of doing great for humanity or something when we need to start simple & live by making ourselves proud of who we've become & staying true to those who've always been there for us. We are in charge of our own happiness. 

During my walk that day, I found this piece of paper with words on it. Just a piece of trash in some tall grass. No reason to pick it up except I did. The words on this piece of paper spoke to me. Like they were written for me. And since then, things have been just happening.



We are only in charge of our own happiness & if we make others happy on the process that is a bonus but you've definitely gotta worry about taking care of you and making changes in your lifestyle to eliminate the negative influences. 

This little side consulting business of mine has started to take off. I've gotten some cool gigs that have been well received.

At my full time job, new light has been shed on some projects that I have going on. I actually look forward to going into work.

What is the difference between the past month or so and the year before that? Probably just attitude. And perspective. Throughout the last couple of years of my marriage and then through my divorce, I got very used to just reacting to what was going on around me. My life was consumed with negative thoughts about myself and what I had to do next in order to just get through the day.  Today, 15 months post divorce, I now understand that I am in a new place and I can't just wait and react to situations around me. I understand that I have left behind those dark times. I won't forget them, but I won't hold on to them either, waiting to react to whatever comes my way. I know that I have to take care of me.

And take it one step at a time living each day as the last, or at least like the gift it is. We all too often take life for granted but time flies so enjoy even the downfalls b/c with sad comes happy. 

One thing I know about myself is that sometimes I need a kick in the pants to wake up. And during my walk, I find this piece of paper with handwriting on it that has done the kicking. It's this anonymous letter with words spilling out in a heartfelt manner.  I have shared them here in italics. Written by someone for me to see. These jolt me awake.

I hope to live up to them.