roses

Welcome to my blog. Never thought I would be doing this, however since I am currently facing some extreme changes, and challenges in my life, I think it's time to try new things. I have never done any writing except school papers and basic emails at work. I am titling this blog "Where am I now" because this journey I am on has been and will be, no doubt, confusing. My thought is that writing about my journey in a mindful way will help me sort things out. Blogging about it here will provide me with a way to get feedback from you in  ways that will challenge me to keep going. I am open. I want to learn.

If you have watched the short clip and read up to here, you've got the basic idea. I film my feet as I walk somewhere, and then pan up to show something about where I am. Then I write about what I was reflecting on as I walked in that spot. Maybe it sounds corny writing about where I am physically and figuratively, but I did some searching and couldn't find anyone else blogging in quite the same way. I do some of my best thinking when I  walk. I have been known as a guy who doesn't share much. So here I am, building on what I know how to do and exploring an area where I want to improve.

A week or so ago I found myself at City Park in Denver taking a walk as my daughter spent some time at the museum with a friend. I was in my usual funk of late due to my life circumstances. Those of you  who know me know that I am going through a divorce, and it will be finalized before the new year. Divorce is tough terrain. Navigating through this with the person I thought would be my life partner is heart wrenching. Putting a stamp of completion on a marriage of 22 years is terribly painful. And then I think about how it will affect our kids. But this isn't a blog to complain about divorce. Or to complain about the wonderful mother my kids are fortunate to have. It's about how I am doing with it all, what I can embrace now and what I can let go. And it's about how I can use my experience to grow.

So back to City Park. It was November 7th. In Denver. I had jeans and a t-shirt on. And I came across this rose in a small rose garden. I actually did smell it first. It drew me out of my self imposed fugue state of self pity and pain and filled me with a few moments of beauty. What a blessing. And I knew in that moment that I was going to be okay as long as I, (okay this is a cliché) stopped and smelled the roses. Life can carry me away at times, but in that moment, I was as grounded and good as I could be.

This journey is necessarily difficult and the pain is sometimes unbearable. I am fortunate to have each of you to remind me though that there are roses around. I just need to be open. I will be okay as will my family.  Each of you is a rose to me. Blessings to you.